There’s No Suitable Hentai Replacement for Monster Cock.
Although monster dildos like Mr Happy are awfully close.

Comic Dialogue:
(If you have Wii Gloves for you wee little fingers it’s also electronic Braille.)
Headmistress VonChastity: “Now that we’ve got your penis under control….”
Crotch Wizard: “Sweet tits, NO One can control MY penis, including me.”
Nurse Sonya: “I actually agree with him on that.”
Headmistress VonChastity: “We’ll go back to the classroom, if there was anyone else available I’d terminate your contract and replace you.”
Crotch Wizard: “Really? How about I give you a list of other wizards and you can try your luck.”